Picked up the Sunday Times 12th October 2014 and in the Style supplement there is an article written by India Knight who wants to share excerpts from her new book ‘In Her Prime: Older, Wiser, Happier’. A journalist, columnist, novelist and regular writer for the Sunday Times she has a fairly high-profile. I think I once purchased one of her books on the art of shopping. She has published a book on how to lose weight by reducing carbs, other light non-fiction and a number of novels. Her non-fiction books appear to be semi-autobiographical; what India would do, what India thinks best, what India has tried that has worked. The excerpts from her book seem innocuous enough, in the main. “Everyone I know who is over 50 and looks fantastic does yoga. Just do it. You can thank me later”. She provides her 15 rules for beauty, (tips on eyeliner, Botox and blusher etc.) but then throws in, for good measure I suppose, her philosophy on sex and relations. “If you fancy someone, and they fancy you, then you should be pleased and excited to be naked in a bed” Not exactly profound and I would normally smile at such things but I found it impossible because she goes on to imply that adultery really isn’t a problem in marriages and long-term relationships. It makes my blood boil!
She begins by saying that she doesn’t intend to mount a defence of adultery but she “does wonder how much it matters to our hypothetical long-married couple”. Well India, you don’t have to wonder – take a look at the betrayed spouses blogosphere sister – you’ll see how much it fucking matters!
Distilling her wisdom further she makes fleeting and glib reference to the pain inflicted by infidelity although there is no explicit mention of any particular pain that may be reserved for only the betrayed spouse. Maybe she doesn’t know about this? She goes on:
“As we have seen, the adulterer is partly to be pitied: they want proof that they’re still hot, which is sad, however you cut it, and maybe a teeny bit deserving of sympathy. I’m not convinced that behaving as though you are in a soap opera – screaming yourself hoarse and showing your other half the door – is necessarily the sensible solution here. Yes, lots of affairs are terminal – too many, if you ask me, because we’ve been conditioned to think that they’re the end of everything, rather than difficult but manageable like a broken limb or small head wound. The odd blip – one or two (max) over a period of decades – is, if not quite excusable, then at least humanly understandable. What I’m actually doing is beating around the bush and trying to think of a more palatable way of saying, ‘Affairs: so what?’ Like many women, I might be inclined – through the benefits of being older, wiser and less judgemental – to think: “Stupid arse. I am really, really pissed off and upset, but I think we can probably work it through”
Pleeeeeeeeeease!!!!!!! When are people going to understand that it is not just the sex!!!!!! It is the betrayal, the lies, the secrets, the detachment, the breach of trust the crazy making time of being told that you are nuts and that nothing is going on and that there is no one else. Finding out that the person that you loved and trusted the most was prepared to be dishonest and deceptive.
Maybe India Knight has not experienced this. I wonder if she would be quite so glib if her partner began to deceive her. Bit more than pissed off perhaps? Beware of Karma, India Knight, it has a funny way of teaching you what you need to know at the right time in your life. And here’s one person who will not be buying your book.
Image Credit: Thermometer by Stuart Miles; Danger Sign by taoty freedigitalphotos.net