Whatever Happened to the ‘Bit on the Side’?

labelWhat respect does the ‘other woman’ deserve?

Over the past few days I have found myself giving some thought to the names that are chosen to label the woman who is having sex with another woman’s husband.  In many quarters, I detect a certain amount of restraint.  ‘Other Woman’ is a favourite I think.  ‘Affair Partner’ is another.  All very civilised I have to say.  Now, I get where everyone is coming from with regards to behaving with dignity and recognising her as a human being with flaws of her own but I’m not sure that I buy into this civility.   Even after two years post D-day!  It’s just that I think the terms are too romantic and don’t indicate the scummy nature of adultery.  I also think that these terms afford them far too much respect. I reckon there might even be women out there who LIKE to be referred to as the ‘other woman’ as it gives them a sense of frisson!

I was wondering if we might not be able to create a more apt label that us betrayed spouses (don’t like that term either) would find more appropriate which strikes a balance between the dirty, messy and graceless business that they got up to with our husbands and the need to offer a measure of civility.  I guess it needs to verge on the conservative in order to be adopted en masse.  Can’t say that I’ve been able to curtail my enthusiasm for labelling my husband’s folly grotesquely.   I named the old trout ‘Pig Shit’ and it has stuck.  We both call her that now but I know that this wouldn’t be suitable for the mass markert – it’s much more tailored to the desperate dingbat that was dropping her knickers for MY husband.   Earlier names for her were Skank, Skanker, Dirtbag, and Whore.   I CANNOT AND DON’T WISH TO REFER TO HER BY HER ACTUAL NAME.  It makes me want to vomit!  Since reading the adultery blogs I have been privileged to read of many names, ALL wonderfully ‘spot-on’.  ‘Pit-faced Whore’  does a lovely job for me; conjuring up an ugly desperate woman eager to please with her sexual tricks like a circus monkey.

And then I remembered an idiom (I think it’s an English thing) that used to be used.  They were referred to as a ‘bit on the side’!  Now, I thought, that’s much better than ‘affair partner’ orbit on the side ‘other woman’.  Or is it just me?  You see, I can’t imagine anyone happy to say that they were a man’s bit on the side.  BUT, doesn’t it sum up their position so much better?  They are NOT a partner; they are NOT the other.  They are OUTSIDE the committed and legally recognised relationship of marriage.  They are nothing but a different sexual experience for a lazy, lying and cheating man. They can’t ring their ‘man’ when they want to; they can’t see him on significant dates like birthdays, Christmas, Valentines etc.  They can’t go on holiday with him. They wouldn’t be able to visit him if he went into hospital.  They are a dirty secret and when not with him they have to know that he is with his wife.  Sharing a marital bed and all the social events that married couples share.  The wife is the significant partner in the man’s life.   But, he wants to have sex with someone else.  Someone who is easily available and willing to have sex at his convenience.

I still wonder at what stories Pig Shit must have told herself to convince herself that my husband loved her.  It could not have had anything to do with his actions.  He treated her appallingly.  Was she thinking of herself as the ‘woman in the wings’ – the woman who he was going to leave me for?  Maybe she thought of herself as the ‘Other Woman’ or the ‘Affair Partner’.  Perhaps she would have been better informed if she had realised she was never more than his ‘Bit On The Side’.  She’d be even better informed now if she knew that he referred to her as Pig Shit. Haha!!

Image Credits: Greeting Card And Copyspace by Stuart Miles; Figure Holding Plate” by Master isolated images; both courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net

18 thoughts on “Whatever Happened to the ‘Bit on the Side’?

  1. gracefulstrength11

    Very good points made here! Snarky Bitch wasn’t a partner in anything, she wasn’t an “other woman”, I am his ONLY woman. She was just available, eager and willing to be easy sex. A snarky, skanky bitch, plain and simple.
    I secretly hope we never meet another woman with her name…I hope my daughter never has a friend with her name…it’s become associated with everything toxic.

    Reply
  2. DJ

    The terms make it easier for us to communicate with cheating spouses. But you’re right. it sanitizes the whole sordid thing too much sometimes. To my husband, I call her the callous cunt. And during that phase of his life, he was the selfish shithead. She has never shown remorse so she is still the callous cunt. He has turned himself around so he’s my husband again.

    Reply
  3. Ella Disenchanted

    FUSTC (fus-tee-see) fucking ugly stanky cunt. That is now her name forever! Refuse to call her by anything else. Have to admit I like pit faced whore and pig shit as well! Thanks for making me smile!

    Reply
    1. marriagerecovery Post author

      You are soooo welcome and a gold star for you for FUSTC. Can I just check a minor detail with you? Is it stanky or skanky? Wouldn’t want to make a mistake here and I quite like stanky because it indicates a nasty smell around the nether regions. Us betrayed spouses have standards to uphold don’t we :-)

      Reply
    1. marriagerecovery Post author

      In England we have a battery named ‘ever-ready’. Ha ha! Bet she wouldn’t be quite so ever ready after 15 years or so. Desperate Skank!!! I reckon that Pig-Shit probably used a lot of batteries to power up her dildos and other sex toys. 50 years of age and creaming herself up for another woman’s husband. Hate them all!!!!

      Reply
      1. Iris

        yes, she’s English. As am I.

        My husband said he liked her because she was ‘ordinary’. In reality I assume she didn’t challenge him to do anything except the obvious, and even that was pedestrian.

        Of course she was as complex as anyone else but with him carefully one-dimensional, like theatre scenery. I bet I could have gone round the back of her and seen the props keeping her together.

        There’s another stock phrase from the music halls: ‘My wife doesn’t understand me.’ Of course the point is that the wife DOES understand her husband, it’s the obliging Other who hasn’t a clue who he is. With her he can be … someone else. Usually someone who turns out to be not very nice.

        When they went away together (on a work trip) my husband didn’t want to be seen in public with her and they argued. It wasn’t so much fun. And unsurprisingly her conversation wasn’t interesting. Afterwards, she accused him of ‘messing her about’. For heaven’s sake, he wasn’t a sodding branch of John Lewis. He was a market stall of dubious reputation. He was Del boy, she was in the romantic version of a Peckham underpass. She was an opportunity propelled by alcohol and poor boundaries and middle-aged second adolescence. He is shudderingly embarrassed and ashamed but not on her account. Ladies, if you know he’s married, you pays your money and you takes your choice. It’s a choice you didn’t offer us.

        I’m so glad it wasn’t me. The pain they heaped on me was horrible, but at least I know I’m not an arsehole.

  4. Iris

    I remember the term ‘fancy woman’ or ‘fancy piece’ and my grandmother saying of some woman: ‘She’s no better than she should be’. I learnt recently that my grandfather disappeared with a fancy woman for a few weeks – the way my mother describes it he seems not to have been missed but he’d spent several years away during the war so maybe they were used to getting on without him.

    I doubt that’s the whole story. My grandmother was inconsolable when he died.

    Reply
    1. marriagerecovery Post author

      Oh yes, fancy woman! I recall that one. She was his ‘fancy woman’. Mind you, rather than her being fancy herself I bet it was more that she made sure she delivered on your grandfather’s fancies. Good to know that your grandparents weathered the storm, but as you say war would have had a significant impact upon perceptions at that time.

      Reply

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