Over the past few years I have become increasingly aware of the widespread devastation caused by adultery, especially the impact that it has on the betrayed spouse. The creeping suspicion that eats away like a creeping cancer whilst the affair is going on, day by day slowly consuming self-confidence, self-esteem and sanity as you are constantly lied to and betrayed. The life shattering disclosure that confirms your worst suspicions and then turns the world you know completely upside down. Then the isolation and sense of failure and shame. I consider adultery as a serious form of abuse. So I was shocked and appalled when the NY Times chose to CELEBRATE a man’s choice to cheat and divorce his wife in an article entitled Vows | An Imperfect Beginning. Be warned, this is not for the fainthearted.
It introduces us to the ‘love story’ between Vince Taylor and Rebekah Gordon. Here we have them sharing their personal stories of love and life and how they overcame the obstacle they faced. That Vince was married with kids when they met.
Rebekah has given some thought to this relationship of hers. She notes, philosophically that people have baggage (quaint term) and that Vince was ‘complicated’ because of past relationships and children. However this fact just makes them ‘real’. Not ‘picture-perfect’ – but ‘real’!!! They worked together for TWO LONG DAYS. Yup! two days! She thought he was handsome but noticed his wedding band so confined herself to just work. (What reserve this woman showed!). Following these two long days they corresponded regularly by e-mail and messaging. (Who amongst us hasn’t experienced this from our spouses?). The change from friendship to lovers (so we are told)happened when he gave her a birthday present, something that he made her, which he hoped would acknowledge his feelings for her. He found it difficult though! Because he was married he felt an ‘invisible boundary’ (nicely put don’t you think?). She says it was tough but it was the ‘right way forward’. Of course. FOR HER!
Poor Vince found going through the divorce really difficult. At times he says he would not have been able to get out of bed without Rebekah’s help and support. Tell me, who was supporting his WIFE? How was she handling this turn of events? Where is she now I wonder? I do so hope that she is healing from this nightmare. Having them on television must be awful.
Apparently, Rebekah says that they recognise a ‘third’ person in their relationship. This third person is his kids and his marriage! Note, she never mentions his wife. The wife has seemingly disappeared completely. She has no name and no position within this scenario. Instead she has just become part of the ‘baggage’ of his previous marriage. But Rebekah is confident that what they have is worth fighting for because they are moving forward as a family unit now. Whilst talking from their couch, you hear children calling and they both call back and Rebekah decides to go see what they’re up to. I’m presuming that these are the children from his previous marriage.
So, the betrayed spouse has in one clean sweep been brushed out of the picture completely. And we wonder why we feel such isolation when dealing with a betraying husband. We are being erased from our own lives and no one seems to give a damn! It’s like we are being silenced. We are the inconvenient truth of selfish and immediate sexual gratification and society’s endorsement of behaving as you want rather than behaving in a way that is right.
Of course it’s TV. Of course it’s the media. Of course I don’t know all the details. What I do know is that a family unit was torn apart because of a two-day work assignment. Why can’t temptation be handled in a less selfish way? How can this couple’s attitude be acceptable? I am saddened and dismayed by this.
Image Credits: Confetti” by Salvatore Vuono; Travelling Bag by Salvatore Vuono; Wood Brush by Keerati; all courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net