Over the past few days I have found myself giving some thought to the names that are chosen to label the woman who is having sex with another woman’s husband. In many quarters, I detect a certain amount of restraint. ‘Other Woman’ is a favourite I think. ‘Affair Partner’ is another. All very civilised I have to say. Now, I get where everyone is coming from with regards to behaving with dignity and recognising her as a human being with flaws of her own but I’m not sure that I buy into this civility. Even after two years post D-day! It’s just that I think the terms are too romantic and don’t indicate the scummy nature of adultery. I also think that these terms afford them far too much respect. I reckon there might even be women out there who LIKE to be referred to as the ‘other woman’ as it gives them a sense of frisson!
I was wondering if we might not be able to create a more apt label that us betrayed spouses (don’t like that term either) would find more appropriate which strikes a balance between the dirty, messy and graceless business that they got up to with our husbands and the need to offer a measure of civility. I guess it needs to verge on the conservative in order to be adopted en masse. Can’t say that I’ve been able to curtail my enthusiasm for labelling my husband’s folly grotesquely. I named the old trout ‘Pig Shit’ and it has stuck. We both call her that now but I know that this wouldn’t be suitable for the mass markert – it’s much more tailored to the desperate dingbat that was dropping her knickers for MY husband. Earlier names for her were Skank, Skanker, Dirtbag, and Whore. I CANNOT AND DON’T WISH TO REFER TO HER BY HER ACTUAL NAME. It makes me want to vomit! Since reading the adultery blogs I have been privileged to read of many names, ALL wonderfully ‘spot-on’. ‘Pit-faced Whore’ does a lovely job for me; conjuring up an ugly desperate woman eager to please with her sexual tricks like a circus monkey.
And then I remembered an idiom (I think it’s an English thing) that used to be used. They were referred to as a ‘bit on the side’! Now, I thought, that’s much better than ‘affair partner’ or ‘other woman’. Or is it just me? You see, I can’t imagine anyone happy to say that they were a man’s bit on the side. BUT, doesn’t it sum up their position so much better? They are NOT a partner; they are NOT the other. They are OUTSIDE the committed and legally recognised relationship of marriage. They are nothing but a different sexual experience for a lazy, lying and cheating man. They can’t ring their ‘man’ when they want to; they can’t see him on significant dates like birthdays, Christmas, Valentines etc. They can’t go on holiday with him. They wouldn’t be able to visit him if he went into hospital. They are a dirty secret and when not with him they have to know that he is with his wife. Sharing a marital bed and all the social events that married couples share. The wife is the significant partner in the man’s life. But, he wants to have sex with someone else. Someone who is easily available and willing to have sex at his convenience.
I still wonder at what stories Pig Shit must have told herself to convince herself that my husband loved her. It could not have had anything to do with his actions. He treated her appallingly. Was she thinking of herself as the ‘woman in the wings’ – the woman who he was going to leave me for? Maybe she thought of herself as the ‘Other Woman’ or the ‘Affair Partner’. Perhaps she would have been better informed if she had realised she was never more than his ‘Bit On The Side’. She’d be even better informed now if she knew that he referred to her as Pig Shit. Haha!!
Image Credits: Greeting Card And Copyspace by Stuart Miles; Figure Holding Plate” by Master isolated images; both courtesy of freedigitalphotos.net