I came across the term ‘fiction cake’ last week. Firstly it made me chuckle as it’s such a neat way to describe someone or something that is blatantly fake but then I stopped chuckling when I realised it could be used to define adultery and infidelity. I started to think about all the fiction that is ‘out there’. What better place than to start with the fiction of my husband’s adultery?
Fiction: literature that describes imaginary events and people. Something that is invented or untrue. I’m stretching the definition here for my own purpose because it is not really literature it is actions and feelings and thoughts that are fictional here.
I had a marriage that was ‘affair proof’. Clearly not!
The ‘dates’ between my husband and Pig Shit. They were never dates. They were simply meet’n shag events. One night stands in hotel rooms in the main.
They fell in love. No, they fell into a lust pit. Intimacy was not developed over time, sex was practiced with gusto! Pig Shit brought along all her sex toys to their first meet’n shag and in the period of one year she and my husband had 12 meet’n shag events.
My husband left me for Pig Shit. No, my husband told her this but the truth was I asked him to leave the family home.
My husband was living happily with Pig Shit. No, she thought this. Wanted desperately to believe this as true but my husband was at my front door in ten days begging to come home. We met on several occasions before I agreed he could come home.
My husband. He was presenting a representation of himself for the few hours that he was with Pig Shit. She thought he was loving and kind and that they had a future together. He was betraying his wife. He was lying and cheating to a woman who loved him dearly and who he had been in a relationship with for over ten years.
Pig Shit. She was presenting a representation of herself for the few hours that she was with my husband. She was clearly desperate to have any man and would bend to fit my husband’s limited availability. She acted all kind towards him. In truth she was a vindictive cow who showed her true colours when he unceremoniously dumped her.
Me. The wife who won’t get hurt if she doesn’t find out. I may not have known about the adultery per se but I was experiencing the pain of suspicion which hurt like a creeping cancer. My husband and Pig Shit were delusional to think that a) not knowing wouldn’t hurt me; and b) his dishonesty and deceit would not manifest itself within our relationship.
Something that is invented or untrue.
My husband loved her because he said so and sent texts which said the same thing. All a crock of shit. He never loved her, said he did to keep the sex sweet and never stopped loving me, his wife.
It’s a love affair. Never. He dropped her like a ton of hot bricks as soon as I said he could come home. Never spoke to her again.
Single women date married men because they don’t want commitment. Rubbish. There is no shortage of single men who run a mile from commitment. Pig Shit thought she was in a committed relationship with a married man. Go figure!
Something was wrong with our marriage. Er, no! We had been getting along just fine. A few weeks earlier had had a wonderful romantic holiday. The adultery caused problems in our marriage.
My husband left me to be with Pig Shit permanently. Er, no. Not permanently, and to be honest even if I didn’t take him back he wouldn’t want to be with Pig Shit as his permanent partner. Not his type outside the bed sheets. My husband enjoys what’s between my ears as well as the physical stuff.
Monogamy is easy. No monogamy is dead difficult and it cannot be taken for granted.
Marriage is happy ever after. No, living with and loving someone long-term is a challenge for everybody. It takes courage, determination and continued commitment.
Adultery breaks up the marriage. No it doesn’t. An entire marriage is not flawed if an affair comes to light, rather it is inappropriate behaviour by one party. The truth is, many marriages survive and become stronger following adultery
The BS gets all the pleasure. Some may, but others are wracked by the consequences of their actions. An affair can be devastating emotionally, not just for the spouse who has been betrayed but also for the tortured soul who is doing the straying.
Try again but with someone new rather than with the partner who has fallen from the paradigm of virtue. Why? If I had a great marriage before the adultery and I think I have a chance of happiness in the future, why not work to restore our marriage. Not give up on him or us.
Image Credit: Piece Of Delicious Cake,isolated On White Background by kdshutterman via freedigitalphotos.net